Clarkson
Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Ladies and Gentleman, Alumni, and People Who are Just Friends, We Swear, presenting an organization that’s 86% effective when used correctly, it’s the Brown University "Does my tongue taste funny to you?," BAND!

The recent Valentine’s Day celebrations unearthed a lot of students who are unhappy with the dating situation at Brown. We believe we could improve the social scene by adding a disco ball in the Gate, having MTV pimp our SafeRide, and most importantly, by expanding Brown’s Cox Communications. We also hope that Bill Clinton’s impending arrival on campus will inspire others to help us with our trickle down policies. Until then, the Band will smoke its own cigars and play "Beat It."

[Band forms cigar, plays "Beat It"]

Sick of being socially awkward, the Band polled the Brown community for its favorite pickup lines.

A. I’m Dean Ripley, believe it or not.
B. Want to see my Engine 90 Business plan?
C. This Gap’s not closing any time soon
D. I’m taking Magic in the Middle Ages, but did you put a spell on me?
E. Want to go back to by place and watch the Russian Channel?
F. The Clarkson Band

The Band has now become the quicker picker upper, and for the most part, we’re much more absorbent than the leading brand. Having just stained Arnold Lounge’s floor, watch as we now tell our friend to hurry up and clean, playing "Come on Eileen"!

[Band forms paper towel quilting, plays "Come On, Eileen"]

We hope that when Clinton comes on campus, he’ll help us wipe up our Liquid Lounge situation as well revive other local businesses and making the Thayer St. economy go boing! First to open will be a pirate supply store for all of our local booty buccaneers. Not wanting to stop there, he’ll also help us petition to turn for a larger Ball park and make a guest appearance at a predominantly vegetarian Sarah Doyle Women’s Center event to help promote a more carnivorous lifestyle. If he takes any flack for his views, the Band will surely be on hand to help him out "In the Fray."

[Counterskate, "In the Fray"]

We’ll be celebrating our final ice show of the year, as well as Presidents’ Day, by chopping down local cherry trees in order to begin construction on a new concert hall.

[#2 off the ice]