Brown __ vs. Harvard __
Saturday, September 24 , 2005
Pregame:
Presenting an Organization that steals the Harvard drum as often as it can, It’s the Brown University, "Restraining Order? I hardly know HER!" Band!!
As many of you know, the Brown Band and Harvard have long and sordid history together. And although we tried the keep our dirty laundry separate, The Brown Band has decided via the smell test that the odor is not that strong. Being the Emilio Cleptovez of the Ivy’s, the Band has been thinking of other things to abscond with from Harvard.
[Band forms Eye "football" and plays Fox Sports]
[Band For B and plays For Bruno and for Brown.]
Halftime:
Ladies and Gentlemen Friends and Alumni, Presenting an Organization that vote George Clinton in ’94, it’s the Brown University, "Awww yeah" Band!
The Brown Band has just undergone a revolution. It was not televised, it was not advertised, but it was funkified! We guarantee this is an A-train that will keep you groovin’ for more. The Band has made it its mission to make you feel it all over, and we figured if any fellow Ivy needed some help getting some soul, it was Harvard. We checked your hep box for some funky freshness, but all we could find was lameness. Presenting What gruesome squareness Lurks in the hearts of Harvardites, the Brown Band will demonstrate how truly destimulatin’ the Harvard soul is and play "Mrs. Robinson."
[Band forms Box and plays Mrs Robinson.]
Don’t worry Harvard jive turkey’s, The Brown Band gots ta not leave ya’ hangin’. We tried to poll you guys on things that were Rick Jamin’ freakin sweet so we could know where to start with funkification. This is what you guys came up with:
A) TweedB) No confidence votes in the President of the University
C) MIT Geeks, cause they have more fun
D) Clapping off beat to music
E) Being Wide and Deep
F) The Princeton Band!
From the looks of it, we are going have to start with the disestablishment of Harvard Square, So watch now as the Brown Band forces Harvard to Give up the Funk and Tears the Roof off this sucker!
[Band Forms Tall house with detached Roof and plays "Tears the Roof off the Sucker."]
To the Brown Band’s dismay, our attempt to open Harvard’s groove has failed. You are going to need the help of the President of the United States of America-funk. We called him up for you guys, but he said Wonder Bread makes him queasy. But see, we feel for you Harvard, so we’ll go the extra yard, Be Funky Walkers and Dirty Talkers, and ask you one more time to "Bring the Funk"
[Band Forms B and plays "Bring the Victory"]
Sorry Harvard, we only have one thing to say, "Welcome to Squaresville, population: YOU!" Peace out!
[Band plays #1 and marches off]
Brown __ vs. URI __
Saturday, October 1 , 2004
Pregame:
Presenting an Organization that knows how to dampen your campus EEEE. It’s the Brown University "For a good ’ol 5 cents you can smoke my cigar" Band!
[Band Runs on]
90 years ago the Ramming began for the Governor’s Cup. And Bruno gave back the cup, but made sure it was empty. 90 years later, Bruno is emptying its cup, and URI’s campus is left high and dry. And according to a recent poll 9% less than 69% of URI’s Campus believes the football team is funded too heavily. The Brown Band feels for URI’s football team and wants to show URI how to feel the love. As a result, we’ve begun’the novel "Governor’s Bowl." More inclusive than the cup, the bowl will move to support higher education as well as a sense of community. And all those participating will get a complimentary tote bag too! So Watch now as Brown Band inhales together and deeply and plays "Friendship"
Band form "Bowl" and plays "Championship"
But really, The Brown Band understands how far you had to travel to get here, and appreciates the effort. As a fellow university of Rhode Island, the Brown Band feels we should treat each other as family with a Rhode Island accent. Making you an offer you can’t refuse, the Brown Band will form a B for Mob Boss, relax in its kickbacks, and put on its cement shoes and play, "Drown Forevermore."
[Band Form B and plays "Brown Forevermore"]
Halftime:
Presenting and Organization whose Bari Sax section’s BAC is higher than the average URI student’s GPA, it’s the Brown University "NO! IN UR EYE" Band!
[Band runs onto the field]
The Brown Band has been trying to learn all it can about its collegiate next-door neighbor. And sure enough, URI’s back door was open. We found out that this week was diversity week at URI, and the Band couldn’t be in support of it more. With a student population from exotic lands like Seekonk, Warwick and Block Island, such a week is certainly a good thing for fostering international relations at URI. Finally, all those Rhode Islanders can be exposed to the exotic and primitive ways of the Long Islanders. Aside from this, the Brown Band found out International Drug Expert Dick Pound came to speak at URI this week. The Band was really upset as our level of expertise on the matter would have been just as good, and would have only cost half the price. But to show that there’s enough peace to go around, the band will form a peace pipe, and answer the question, "What is Dip?"
[The Band forms pipe and plays "What is Hip"]
Further immersion into the URI student scene yielded a startling revelation: you’re hopes for a new concert hall is shattered too! Being the helpful Band "with a conscience" that we are, The Band has been thinking of ways URI students can raise funds. One Idea the band had was to create the "URI For the inadequate guy". With this program, URI students could raise money serving as an inspiration to others, showing them how things could be worse as big guys, with a minimal quid- pro-quo-state of mind. Another idea is the "Jamaica? I hardly know ah!" Program, where Brown would donate a Main part of the Green to making Kingston Rasta-fantastic. Well, if none of these ideas will work, you could always do a bake sale. And because we care, watch now as the Brown Band bakes up some tasty snacks for you and plays "Midnight Special Brownies."
[Band forms cake and plays "Midnight Special"]
After hanging out with you, the Band has realized that although we are neighbors, we really don’t want to have a neighborhood Block Island party with you. Its not us…its you. We are just too different. You say "sawr" and we say “saw,” you guys Ram, and we Jam. But we hope there is no ill will, as you do play all our Brown songs. In the spirit of this fact, watch now as the Brown Band, forms a B and plays, the Brown Sharing song.
[Band Forms B and plays #2]
Join us next week, as Brown Bears face Fordham at Home and, the Band asks, for the second time in a month, the question "JesuWHAT?!"
[Band Marches Off to #1]
Brown __ vs. Fordham __
Saturday, October 8 , 2005
Pregame:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and Alumni, Presenting an organization that pardoned Galileo in 1969 it’s the Brown University "Shana Tovah? I hardly know ’ah!" Band!
[Band Runs on]
The Brown Band was really excited when it heard something primitive emerged from the Harlem River…then we found out it was Fordham. But that’s alright, We’ve been studying to speak your language, so straight from Vatican I, Latinam Est! Nos pedis pilam amamus et Nos Brownum amamus. Speramus Bruno lauriferem est! Quod volimus laetificare nostram classem ad victoriam, Brown Band Faciebit pilam pedis et cantabit "LUDES VULPIS!"
[Band forms football and plays Fox Sports.]
O Me Hercule!, Fordham itaque pessimus est! E via, si tu potes comprehendere hic, bonus tibi et tu requires novam harundinem! Audivisne iocationem "Semper Ubi sub Ubi"? Ego non secuutum sum illis! Ecce iam ita Brown Band facit "B" in agro et cantat Ad Bruno et Ad Brown.
[Band Forms B and Play #4]
Halftime:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Friends and Alumni, Presenting an Organization that sang the hit song "What if God was Pasta Sauce" It’s the Brown University "Ramen AND Women" Band!
[Band runs out]
With the debate over Evolution in schools being so prominent in the Nation Consciousness, The Brown Band felt it would do what it could to devolve the tension, instead of just Millerin’ around. One idea was to follow in Darwin’s footsteps and go to the Galapagos Islands to see firsthand what Darwin’s was talking about, but right before we left, we found a Finch in our Atticus, which killed 2 Mockingbirds with one stone. To symbolize our quest for the end of the debate, the Brown Band will form our favorite part of Greek life and play "From Alpha to Omega"
[Band Forms Omega and plays "From Me to You"]
Continuing on our quest to select what’s most natural, the Brown Band was greeted by a giant flying spaghetti monster that proclaimed his way was the only path to peace on this issue. Not one to miss out on the "Spagfestivities," the Brown Band sat down and chewed on what our Ziti- faced Friend had to say. After Learning about connection between pirates and global warming, we were touch deeply by our friend’s Noodly appendage. To symbolize exactly how intimately we were touched, the Brown Band will form our friend and play Pretty Flying Spaghetti Monster Guy
[Band Forms Spaghetti Monster and Play "Pretty Fly"]
Ending our search for the answer to the debate, we went to Fordham to seek counsel as a last resort. We figured Fordham’s Skreet Smarts would lead us to a solution, but when we got there, we found out that Chevey had been chased and this caused us to abort our brainchild. Watch now as the Band forms a "B" for the Bad case of Bronxitis we caught while visiting, and reminds you to only visit Fordham "In the Day"
[Band Forms B and plays "in the Fray"]
Join us Next week as Bruno will welcome Princeton’s big tail and make a list A through F (The Princeton Band!) of all the things Princeton can do with that cannon.
[Band Marches off to #1]